There's a party in my closet, calling all skeletons

I realized something important about myself today: I am not a team player. Of course I always suspected this to be true as a long-time evader of team sports and group projects, but this afternoon it became abundantly clear. I enrolled in a weight management course here on campus in the hopes of gaining some control over my manic eating habits and my expanding waistline. The doctor who heads it up seems okay to me and already she has commented that I am "too intellectual" (duh) and need to get outside the realm of intellect to solve this problem (another duh). This is not to say that I will proceed closed-minded and expect to learn nothing because that would be pointless; further, I'm not a snob (at least about this). So I went to the class and there's about twenty-five people in it and our first task is to get into groups. URGH. We are going to be in TEAMS, with team goals and support. Blahhhhhh.

Almost every person in the class said they wanted to be in a group for support and accountability, but not me. I prefer to work alone. Is it true that I'm a control freak and that no one else lives up to my standards? Yes. But in reality, I think there's something more to it. I don't mind having many people depend upon me (students, dogs, family, etc.), but I am not at all good at depending upon others, mostly because they let me down or make me feel bad about myself in some way because all of my weaknesses show (?). I should probably get to the therapeutic bottom of this someday soon. And this is not at all where this post was supposed to go, either.

I planned to be funny about how I hate team playing simply because there is no I in "team" and I'm all about the I. Maybe that really isn't so funny after all.

These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest

So. I've been home for days with the major-yuck sick and the world's most bizarre dreams. I had one this morning about being at a creative writing event (a conference?), which would never happen...but anyway. I found that I was stuck in an unfamiliar town that I kept calling Ft. Collins but it clearly wasn't - it was some European city. An old friend and colleague (a guy) was there and he was miserable because his wife is a shrew and always yelling at him on the phone (this was in the dream, but something I always suspected to be true in real life). Turns out that this person actually goes to these conferences so that he can escape. We sat at the bar and drank heavily and ate cheese pizza sandwiches. Then he started to hit on me and I have always liked him but not that way (true in real life). I listened compassionately, and then kept fending off advances by saying that I love my hubby too much to possibly cheat, even if it's tempting. I never thought that dreams were places where we enforce our morals, and this information makes me question the content of other dreams of late. Guh.