I'll accept with poise, with grace, when they draw my name from the lottery

I cannot wait until this semester is over at Metro.  There's only one week left and I'm at the point where I practically salivate at the notion of having two fewer things to worry about.  It's come to that time when I'm exhausted and can no longer think for myself, have no idea what day it is, and would be utterly lost without my laptop telling me what to do every minute of every day.  The items on my to-do list include not only grading papers, attending various meetings and classes, but also things like "feed the dog," and "brush teeth," and "eat breakfast."  You think I exaggerate.  

The other thing needling me of late is my being at a crossroads and recognizing it.  I miss the days when I was oblivious to tidal changes in my life and was only aware of them after the fact.  Granted, that made them somewhat more difficult emotionally, but still.  As I near the end of my doctoral program (thank God for that), I am poignantly aware that I'm not quite there and that puts me in no better job position than I was three years ago.  I am still at the mercy of the various departments, qualified mostly for adjunct jobs, and working my ass off (but sadly only metaphorically - my real ass maintains its stubborn enormity).  This frustrates me because, for example, next fall at DU I am slated to teach only one class that they scraped out for me, and it's Business and Technical Writing, which I'd rather take a beating than have to teach ever again.  Business majors, by and large, are humorless, dull, and in no way interested in anything interesting.  That's unfair and generalized, I know, but I don't think I can take it again.  Further, it's at the Women's College, which has promise, given it's older and working demographic of women only, but that means teaching either Friday night or all day Saturday, which I don't think I'm willing to do, even for the money.  Oi.  How frustrating.  But I have applications out all over the place and have hopes of something perhaps better, but who knows.

And in the meanwhile of working to make the mortgage and such, I still have to finish my Ph.D., and all of this, today, makes me just feel tired.  Wait, more than tired, it makes me comatose and incapable of action.  Instead of jumping in and swimming, I've opted to shut down and just sit on the grass near the pool and stare at it as though it were incomprehensible to me.  See?  Even my analogies are lame today.