Unmotivated does not begin to cover the feeling I have toward my dissertation these days. I got up early this morning so I could make to school early so I could have time to write before class so I could turn in the draft of something I am supposed to have produced by today.
Needless to say, it's 8 a.m., class starts in half an hour, and all I've managed to do thus far is save a blank document (lord knows I wouldn't want to lose that) and grouse about how much I don't want to do this today. What's worse is that I haven't done the work for the course and I don't care. It's become a real problem that there is no sense of impending doom in my academic world anymore and I never knew how much I needed it - that I required the threat of failure in order to produce real work. Then there's the issue of what I'm actually doing in this class, because I don't go to class, I'm not really following a syllabus, and the expectations for my work production are - at best - hazy.
I am aware that sooner or later this dissertation thing will need to be written. I may actually have to procure something that looks like research, and I might have to sweat a little. Right now, however, these things have inspired no action in me whatsoever.
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