Worries in my worry corner

I'm back to being obsessed with my weight. Even thought I've lost a lot of it, I still have a chunk to go and can't seem to get there. More importantly, however, is where I seem to locate stimuli to keep going.

I'm at ACC this morning, and my class is not until 8:30. Typically I get here around 7 so that I can (1) avoid major rush hour traffic, and (2) so I may sit in the coffee commons and have some solitude. Several other people regularly do this, and one of them is a man who appears to be about my age, grossly overweight, and in the nursing program here. He comes in each Tuesday and Thursday I am here, lumbers himself up the whopping three stairs to the first level and with his wheelie backpack in tow. The three-stair walkup winds him excessively, and while he is at least twenty feet away from me right now, I can hear him breathing even at rest. As if the fat in his body is weighing so heavily on his lungs that he has to work hard to do what the rest of us do unconsciously.

I do not stand in judgment of this man, by the bye. No one understands more than I do how hard it is to simply not be Jabba the Hut, let alone find a thin place to exist. Some of us - and I include myself in this - are not meant to be tiny people. I know that I've got boobs and hips and a good deal of muscle; I'm densely packed and the BMI scale is not realistic for me. At my thinnest point, which I cannot maintain by anything short of anorexia, I'm still ten pounds over the highest suggested BMI for me. I want to be honest with myself and not make excuses, but I would really like someone of the health profession to further examine this whole "ideal weight range" thing. Twenty more pounds can easily go from my body, I'll admit, but beyond that I have to wonder; are we all really supposed to fit into a thirty-pound ranged category based on our height?

Something about the logic of such things does not add up. It makes me wonder how well anyone understands the human body and its capacity for weight maintenance. Most people who are seriously overweight are so for lifestyle reasons - sitting too much, no exercise, and a parade of crappy food.

I don't always tow the line, but for the most part I take the stairs rather than the elevator, walk the dog, lift weights and do yoga three times a week, almost never eat fast food or red meat or whole milk anything; I never drink sugared soda, rarely drink alcohol and when I do it's a marginal amount. I don't eat after 8 p.m. I take vitamins. I order dressings for salads "on the side" and I count every calorie I put into my mouth. In fact, if I can't at least reasonably approximate something's caloric value, then I just don't eat it. I pass the cookies on in class. I don't stop at snack tables. Pass on birthday cake. Choose whole wheat instead of that six-cheese bagel. I get eight hours of sleep a night. I'll drink my coffee black if my only choice is half-n-half rather than skim milk. I sit on an exercise ball when I work at my desk so I can work my core while I'm sitting. I do crunches while I'm watching TV, yoga stances when I'm teaching. My blood pressure is 110/65, my cholesterol low, my resting heart rate spot-on. I get enough vitamin D and calcium; I get my antioxidants. I do not smoke or eat anything with hydrogenated oils in it. I use sunscreen and moisturizer.

You get the idea.

And yet any health professional or person on TV who works on a weight-loss show will tell me that because my BMI is what it is, that I'm fat and at risk for horrible diseases. Despite all evidence to the contrary in my life. I simply don't get it. And I don't buy it either.