"There's no need to be SNARKY"

I am shameless in my eavesdropping practices. It doesn't help that my office is across the hall from the hub of the English department, and thus as long as my door is open and I am quiet, I can hear various juicy bits of gossip. It also doesn't help that a few folks in the know around here must not realize how their voices carry, or they don't care in a more general sense who overhears. But I can still often follow even when they are using hushed voices. It's not that I'm opportunistic per se, just unbelievably nosy.

Apparently there is a person in the ED who does not know her place! This person wrote a SNARKY note to the person who runs the department and she did NOT like it one bit. Does not APPRECIATE being talked down to by some Affiliate faculty member. AS IF. After much debate over how to handle the snarky note in question, one asks the other to read the email aloud, to give it a TONE. The recipient of the note says, "I don't want to put my own TONE into it." Why is this hilarious?

And what does it say about me that this is the best I can do for entertainment of late? Perhaps I've already checked out to a certain degree and my mood is tetchy. My class was observed last week by someone I do not know well but have heard fairly unpleasant things about. I hate it when I have to endure the critique of one who (a) does not know me, and (b) is not himself a good teacher. I'm trying not to let my lack of a perfect score get to my core. What is this pressing need for affirmation all about, anyway?

Why am I so bothered by my 3.98 GPA in a freakin' doctoral program? Because it's not a 4.0 and therefore I am not validated. Why do I care what someone I don't like and don't respect thinks about how I teach my class? Because I need to be told that my class is great, without flaw, and I'm the best damn teacher in the entire universe. Same thing with students. I have one of the highest average student eval ratings - probably on campus - and yet if one even slightly critical comment shows up among the hundreds of pieces of high praise, I am reduced to pandering to current students for the remainder of the day.

I think what makes my ears tingle at the eavesdropped gossip is because I expect at some point to hear how much they think I suck too. Even though most days I'm sure I don't. And here's the best part about my evaluation for this year: it's NOT negative. At all. In fact, if I'm being given a percentage grade, I got a B+, but like many of my delightful newbie students might cry: "I don't GET B's!" Imagine that performed with crossed arms, welled eyes, and a puckering lower lip. The seven year old in me wants to go and kick the shins of that guy.