I am vexed. All I want is to get some things done - simple things, really - small things that will propel me forward simply by virtue of them being removed from a daunting to-do list. Such is the case with the dissertation prospectus. I really must come up with a pseudonym as even typing it only adds to my vexation, but anyway. In order to "get permission" to write said dissertation and thus graduate, I have to have the proposal approved, and the chair of my committee says "just do it" so it's done, and my second reader, as always "has reservations" about it. The chair came by my office a few minutes ago to head my rage off at the pass (he catches on quickly to how to deal with Chris issues, apparently) by telling me to just acquiesce. At that moment I hadn't seen her email, but I feel quite glad that he came by before I did to prevent a violent outburst and various death threats against certain individuals. It's funny that I have always considered myself a pretty balanced person in terms of anger - that is, I anger quickly but it often fades as quickly and I forget it - this year, however, I feel like I'm always just at the edge of losing my temper to an alarming degree. Every time I think it's under control and I've exhausted my rage, it bubbles just under the surface of my skin one more time like an encore-hungry rock star. Ah well. She signed off on the project, but gave me a laundry list of complaints to go with it. I took the high road; I acquiesced. I want to like this woman; I respect her scholarship and personally I think she's nice. I just don't know how to fight the alpha female fight - either to win or lose, frankly, and I don't care which side I'm on as long as this fucking thing gets written and I graduate and go on to have a life of my own.
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